Michelle loves her career. She always has. But her husband
doesn't want her to keep the job she loves. He wants her at home.
Michelle feels betrayed--after all, she had this career long
before she married, and her husband knew from the day they met
that she had dedicated her life to her work. He knew about the
travel and the demands of the job, as well as its rich material
rewards--rewards which he has enjoyed equally.
Michelle tried to submit to her husband's demands. She even
gave up her career for a while and tried to be home with her
family. But she wasn't happy. She felt confined and
unfulfilled, as if an important part of her was missing.
Sometimes she felt as if she were losing her identity. Finally
she told her husband that she was unhappy and wanted to go back
to her career. Her husband told her not to. When she returned
anyway, he filed for divorce.
Now her husband wants full custody of her kids, their home,
and at least half of the money Michelle earned. Michelle knows
that she has little chance of keeping her kids because the
family courts will hold her career against her.
Michelle probably believes that this is unfair and wonders
what she did to deserve this. Except that Michelle doesn't
exist. Michael does. Michael Jordan, that is.
After 12 years of marriage, Jordan's wife Juanita filed for
divorce earlier this month and is seeking permanent custody of
the couple's three children, their 25,000-square-foot home, and
her share of the couple's property. Under Illinois law she may
be awarded up to 90% of their assets.
Michael might be wishing he were Michelle about right now,
for Michelle would have our sympathy. In fact, we'd see ringing
op-eds telling us how selfish and controlling Michelle's husband
is, and bemoaning the way our society punishes independent women
for pursuing their careers.
Michael, however, isn't getting off so easy.
"Most Valuable Jerk" is how Deborah Simmons of the Washington
Times described Jordan in her recent column, where she
criticized Jordan for returning to basketball and pinned
responsibility for the divorce squarely on him. Change "Air
Jordan" to "Err Jordan" writes Barry Cooper of Black Voices.com,
speculating that Jordan caused his divorce because he "erred in
some rather spectacular fashion."
Michael is to blame because he allowed his "Lesser Self...to
make a fool of his Better Self," opines Eric Zorn in Jordan's
hometown newspaper, the Chicago Tribune. In the same paper Rick
Morrissey scolds Jordan, noting that "An ugly divorce...will be
tough on Jordan's three children," but that Jordan "should have
thought about that a long time ago."
In discussing relationships, American society has taken the
immense complexity and difficulty of marriage and family life
and reduced it to one simple rule--when in doubt, blame the man.
Of course, it is quite possible that Juanita is right, and
that Michael shouldn't have come back to basketball. Maybe he
wasn't spending enough time with the family. In defense of
Michael, one could argue that at age 38, a comeback was only
possible now or maybe next year--after that the opportunity
would be gone for good. At the same time, Juanita could argue
that before you know it the kids will be grown up and gone for
good, too. But Jordan did try--he gave up basketball for two
years. And the man has been a basketball player all his life.
Playing basketball is what he does.
No doubt there is more to the breakup than Michael's return
to basketball. There have been rumors of philandering about both
Michael and Juanita--mostly concerning Michael, who was
reportedly followed for four years by a private detective hired
by Juanita.
While it is true that men are more likely to struggle with
monogamy than women, our society falsely assumes that every man
is a potential philanderer but his wife is always a faithful,
loyal doormat. Nancy Marshall, ex-wife of former major league
baseball pitcher Mike Marshall, mocked this idea of female
docility in her book Home Games and reported on the raucous
extra marital sexual escapades of baseball wives as well as
husbands. She wrote:
"Often reporters ask [athletes'] wives how they feel about
their husbands being on the road all alone...it never occurs to
anyone that while the guys are on the road, the wives are at
home by themselves...Just once I would like a reporter ask a
ballplayer, 'Do you worry about what your wife is doing while
you're gone?' If they don't worry, maybe they should."
Even during the allegedly morally pure 1940s and 1950s there
were high rates of female (as well as male) infidelity. In fact,
DNA examinations taken half a century ago showed that that at a
bare minimum 10% of the fathers who signed their babies' birth
certificates were unknowingly claiming paternity of children who
weren't theirs.
Unlike many divorced fathers, Jordan will probably come out
of all of this relatively unscathed. He'll lose a lot of money,
but he'll probably still have plenty left. And Juanita is
probably too good a mother (or would be too embarrassed) to try
to block Jordan's visitation rights.
Still, it doesn't seem quite fair. After all, Michelle (sigh)
is a victim, a soaring eagle held hostage by the constraints of
a cruel society that just never seems to want women to be truly
free.
And Michael? Oh, he's just another jerk. Good thing she got
rid of him.
Glenn Sacks' columns have appeared in the San Diego
Union-Tribune, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Los Angeles
Times, the Salt Lake City Tribune, the Los Angeles Daily News,
and the Philadelphia Inquirer. He invites readers to visit his
website at www.GlennJSacks.com.
