As mayor of New York, Rudy Giuliani worked tirelessly in the
days and weeks following the 9-11 terrorist attacks to bring not
only his city back from the brink of disaster, but the nation as
well. For this, thousands of Americans have applauded his work
in maintaining rescue efforts and securing assistance for the
families of those who died in the World Trade Center.
The former mayor, who has been involved in a highly
publicized divorce battle, found himself penalized in court for
the hours he spent on the job aiding his fellow citizens.
On March 6, Judith J. Gische of the State Supreme Court in
Manhattan denied Mr. Giuliani's request for joint custody of his
15-year-old son Andrew. In her ruling, Justice Gische took aim
at Giuliani for working excessive hours, saying his work "often
limited the time he had to spend with his children."
The court also took umbrage with the former mayor’s
relationship with Judith Nathan, noting that the children do not
know her well and are not ready to stay overnight with their
father when she is present.
Although Mr. Giuliani received much public criticism prior to
9-11 for his personal life, the judge’s ruling begs certain
questions. Among them, should parents think twice before
becoming the sole wage earner, lest their marriage end in
divorce? And, to what degree should a parent’s fault in a
divorce affect custody of children? Or, to put it another way:
Is denying a child a closer relationship with a parent really in
his or her best interest?
As early as the 1920s, courts acknowledged the societal norm
of a woman’s role as homemaker and overwhelmingly assigned custody
of children to mothers. Since then, researchers have found that
children form "attachment bonds" with both parents, and that
both parents are essential to a child’s healthy development.
Numerous studies have shown that children who grow up with an
absent parent - particularly an absent father - find themselves
at a tremendously higher risk of social ills than their peers
who have two involved, loving parents. Researchers have proven
conclusively that taking a child away from his or her father can
increase the child’s risk of teen pregnancy, drug abuse,
behavioral disorders, criminal activity and suicide.
Despite evidence demonstrating the importance of maintaining
the involvement of both parents, family courts throughout our
nation routinely rely on a winner-takes-all approach to
assigning custody of children.
We know from Mr. Giuliani’s case that sometimes working
toward a greater good -- in this case, saving our nation’s
largest city from disaster -- can cost a parent in a divorce.
Today, stay-at-home parents now include thousands of men who
have traded corporate life for full-time parenting. It is a
conscious decision made by two parents to devote themselves to
the care and upbringing of children. Yet, when couples divorce,
the spirit of cooperation dissolves, leaving working moms and
dads deadbolted out of their children’s lives.
Mr. Giuliani’s attorney, Raoul Felder, refuted Judge Gische’s
finding that the former mayor had been uninvolved in the lives
of his children. According to Mr. Felder, Mr. Giuliani attended
all but one of his children’s events since 9-11, an enormous
accomplishment for any parent, but even more notable in light of
the then-mayor’s schedule.
Unfortunately, the number of hours spent by Mr. Giuliani with
his children may never have been enough for the judge to grant a
shared parenting arrangement. Despite public rhetoric
encouraging greater involvement of non-custodial parents, courts
continue to use divorce proceedings as a tool for assigning
blame to one parent. Even in states with no-fault divorce laws,
children are all-too-often turned into pawns and given as a
prize to a wronged parent. Instead of looking toward solutions
that ensure children have--or create--relationships with both
parents, courts routinely issue orders restricting one parent to
mere visitor status.
Although much has changed in the past 80 years, the U.S.
Census Bureau statistics tell us that mothers still receive sole
custody in more than 84 percent of divorces that involve
children. On Wednesday, Mr. Giuliani joined the millions of dads
who have found themselves deadbolted out of their children’s
lives.
With rare exception, such as cases of abuse or neglect, the
courts should not have the authority to deny parents the right
to share parenting responsibilities of their children. Mr.
Giuliani’s case illustrates the absurdity of how family courts
use the divorce process to chastise parents for failing to spend
enough time with their children. Although courts routinely
impose visitation "elevators" intended to increase the time
children spend with non-custodial parents, those arrangements
rarely result in parents who share responsibility for the care
and nurturing of their children.
The criminal justice system decries our nation’s problem with
father absence. But where exactly have all of the fathers gone?
Perhaps that is a question best answered by Justice Gische and
the rest of the judicial system.
Dianna Thompson is a nationally recognized expert on
families and divorce-related issues. She serves as executive
director of the American Coalition for Fathers & Children and
may be reached by e-mail at
dthompson2232@aol.com.
