The largest factor in predicting whether a child will
graduate high school, attend college, become involved in crime
or drugs, or get pregnant before age 18 is the presence (or
absence) of a father in the child's life. Studies show that this
remains true even after adjustments for household income. Yet at
the same time, we allow hundreds of thousands of fathers to be
locked out of their children's lives by ex-spouses who ignore
their kids' need for a dad, and by a family court system that is
biased against fathers.
The divorced dad has endured more unwarranted criticism than
perhaps any other group in our time. Isn't the divorced dad, we
are told, a man who abandoned his family? A dead-beat dad? A
child abuser?
Occasionally, yes. Usually, no.
Close to 70% of all divorces involving couples with children
are initiated by the mother, not the father. Studies show that
couples agree that the reasons for these divorces are usually
not infidelity or abuse but instead a lack of "closeness" or of
not feeling "loved and appreciated."
Most "deadbeat dads" are either poor, unemployed, or are
denied access to their children. Among men who have had no
employment problems in the past year, and have had access to
their children, studies show that more than 80% pay their child
support in full. Less than 5% don't pay at all, and fathers
actually have a much better record of paying court-ordered child
support than mothers do.
There are fathers who abuse their kids. However, two-thirds
of confirmed cases of child abuse and of parental murders of
children are committed by mothers, not fathers, according to the
U.S. Department of Justice. Children are 88% more likely to be
seriously injured from abuse or neglect by their mothers than by
their fathers.
How can we get fathers back into their children's lives?
There are five needed, long overdue reforms:
1) Enforce fathers' visitation rights. Three-quarters of
divorced fathers surveyed maintain that their ex-spouses have
substantially interfered with their visitation rights. A recent
nationwide study of children of divorce found that 42% of
children who lived solely with their mother reported that their
mother tried to prevent them from seeing their fathers after the
divorce. However, only 16% of children who lived solely with
their father reported similar obstruction. The women in the
survey generally admitted that their actions were punitive in
nature and not due to safety considerations. Yet the government
spends $340 on enforcing child support for every $1 it spends on
enforcing visitation rights. Prosecutions of fathers who violate
child support mandates are common, whereas prosecutions of
mothers who violate visitation orders are rare.
2) Make joint custody a reality instead of a meaningless
scrap of paper. Most states have mandatory joint legal custody,
but in practice it often means that the mother is automatically
issued physical custody and the father can only see his children
a few days a month. Studies reveal that divorced mothers are
five times as likely to be satisfied with custody arrangements
as divorced fathers. It is imperative that joint custody means
50% physical time with each parent, or a time-sharing agreement
negotiated between parents whom the court treats as equals.
3) Don't hold the father's breadwinner role against him. Men
are generally expected to sacrifice time with their kids in
order to be their family's main breadwinner. When divorcing
couples go to family court the judge gives the children
primarily to the mother because the father "hasn't nurtured them
as much." Why not? Because he was earning the household income
that made it possible for the mother to spend more time
nurturing the children.
4) Crack down on "Move Away Parents"--custodial parents who
violate court orders by moving their children away from their
ex-spouses.
5) Penalize ex-spouses who make false accusations of child
abuse, molestation, etc., during custody disputes. Many warring
ex-spouses use false accusations as their "ace in the hole" in a
custody battle. Studies have shown that in this context, 75% of
child sexual abuse accusations are unfounded or unsubstantiated.
The man who abandons his children is a pariah in our society,
as he should be. But if it's despicable for a father to abandon
his children, is it not equally despicable for a mother to drive
a father out of his children's lives?
Glenn Sacks writes about gender issues from the male perspective.
His columns have appeared in
the Chicago Tribune,
the Los Angeles Times,
Newsday,
the Houston Chronicle,
the San Francisco Chronicle,
the Philadelphia Inquirer,
the San Diego Union-Tribune,
the St. Louis Post-Dispatch,
the Los Angeles Daily News,
the Washington Times
and others.
He invites readers to visit his website at
www.GlennSacks.com.
