American fathers get a bad rap. Unfairly stereotyped by
critics left and right, male and female, at best the American
father is generally portrayed as a second class parent. Worse
still are the common images of fathers as deadbeats,
philanderers, and abusers. However, research indicates that the
overwhelming majority of American fathers are none of these.
Bad Rap #1: Men often desert their wives and children.
Actually, two-thirds or more of all divorces involving
couples with children are initiated by mothers, not fathers.
A randomized study of 46,000 divorce cases published in the
American Journal of Law and Economics found that in only 6% of
cases women claimed to be divorcing abusive husbands, and that
adultery was cited by women as a cause of divorce only slightly
more than by men. Surveys of divorced couples show that the
reasons for their divorces are generally a lack of closeness or
of "not feeling loved and appreciated." It is usually women, not
men, who are abandoning their spouses.
Bad Rap #2: Many, if not most, divorced and unwed fathers are
"deadbeat dads."
Studies show that the overwhelming majority of steadily
employed divorced fathers pay their child support. According to
a US Government Accounting Office report, two-thirds of those
fathers who do not pay their child support fail to do so because
they are financially unable to do so, a figure verified by
single mothers' explanations of why their exes were not paying
child support. Most "dead beat dads" are either poor,
unemployed, disabled, or in prison. Overall, 75% of the nearly
$15 billion in child support owed annually is paid.
Bad Rap #3: Men, but not women, are often unfaithful to their
spouses.
This popular misconception is belied by a large body
research, including the 1990 Kinsey Institute of Sex Research
report, the work of psychologist Anthony Thompson and licensed
clinical social worker Paul Wulkan, and researchers such as
Shirley Glass, Thomas Wright, Gilbert Nass, Roger Libby, and M.
P. Fisher. This research estimates that for every five
unfaithful husbands, there are four unfaithful wives.
Bad Rap #4: Almost all domestic violence and murder of spouses
and intimates is committed by men.
Domestic violence research overwhelmingly shows that women
are just as likely as men to initiate and engage in domestic
violence, and that only a small percentage of women's domestic
violence is committed in self-defense. Studies show that women
often compensate for their smaller size by their significantly
greater use of weapons and the element of surprise.
Official Department of Justice statistics show that men
commit 70% of all murder of intimates. However, when other
factors are accounted for, including unsolved murders,
poisonings mistakenly classified as heart attacks, and contract
killings classified as "multiple offender killings," women have
been shown to be at least as likely as men to murder their
current or former spouses or intimates.
Bad Rap #5: Most child abuse is committed by abusive
fathers.
According to the US Department of Justice, nearly two-thirds
of confirmed cases of child abuse and of parental murders of
children are committed by mothers, not fathers. A 1999 report by
the US Department of Health and Human Services revealed that,
adjusting for the greater number of single mothers, a child is
five times more likely to be murdered by a single mother than by
a single father, and that children are 88% more likely to be
seriously injured from abuse or neglect by their mothers than by
their fathers.
Bad Rap #6: Men don't do their share in the household, thus
saddling mothers with a "second shift" of household labor.
For three decades independent studies, including the study
released this spring by the University of Michigan Institute for
Social Research (ISR), have shown that men do their share of
household labor.
The ISR study shows that women do an average of 27 hours of
housework a week, compared to 16 hours a week for men. Balanced
against this, however, is the study's less-publicized finding
that the average man spends 14 hours a week more on the job than
the average woman. Thus men's overall contribution to the
household is actually slightly higher than women's. In addition,
working class men often do physically strenuous and dangerous
jobs--a factor the survey does not consider.
The unfair stereotypes American fathers endure are more than
an annoyance. They have had real and damaging consequences,
such as the discrimination fathers often face in child custody
matters. While there are bad apples in any group, the average
American father does right by his children, and deserves to be
spoken of accordingly.
Glenn Sacks writes about gender issues from the male perspective.
His columns have appeared in
the Chicago Tribune,
the Los Angeles Times,
Newsday,
the Houston Chronicle,
the San Francisco Chronicle,
the Philadelphia Inquirer,
the San Diego Union-Tribune,
the St. Louis Post-Dispatch,
the Los Angeles Daily News,
the Washington Times
and others.
He invites readers to visit his website at
www.GlennSacks.com.
