Adriana Burton's fifth-graders in Elkhart, Ind., didn't understand the
song's words, so they rewrote them.
Thus, our national anthem got a rewrite.
"Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight" became
"Whose wide stripes and bright stars, thro' the dangerous fight." And "O'er
the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming" became "O'er the walls
we watch'd, were so bravely streaming."
Nifty, huh? Oh, sure, some syllables are different, but the words mean the
same thing. And who knows if the youngsters gathered at the school assembly
last week, in front of whom Burton's class sang all four reworked verses,
even detected the changes. Stretch "walls" and "bravely" enough while
singing, and those missing syllables hardly cause a stumble.
Burton said her fifth-graders now intend to update the Gettysburg Address
and the Declaration of Independence later this year. They are old documents.
Now, it's a little tough with President Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, the
most succinct 267 words ever written. How to update such eloquence? Well, we
can try. After all, "fourscore and seven years ago" is rather awkward. Isn't
"score" something done on the basketball court or with the lay-dees?
Speaking at Gettysburg, Pa., on Nov. 19, 1863, Lincoln is the one who gave
us " ... that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall
not perish from the earth." Perhaps this is easier: " ... that government of
the people, by the people, for the people shall not bite the dust."
And this line might confound, as in confuse: "But in a larger sense, we
cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground." What
about "name" for "dedicate." "Consecrate" is a little tougher, because
"extol," "exalt," "laud" and "venerate" seem rather old-fashioned. How about
"honor" instead? Then thereÕs "hallow." Can't use "consecrate" 'cause weÕre
trying to get rid of it. "Honor" is taken. Ah. "Respect." We use that a lot
these days, as in self-respect, which every school child knows is the key to
inner self-love. Or is that self-esteem?
No matter. Here's the update: "But in a larger sense, we cannot name, we
cannot honor, we cannot respect this ground." Not quite the same ring, but,
hey, Lincoln is essentially saying the same thing three times anyway.
Nuances, schmuances.
Now, when you get to the Declaration of Independence (aka Indie Statement),
you're talking about some seriously unused words and phrases. Who uses
"unalienable" or "prudence" or writes "a long train of abuses and
usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces ..."? It's
downright convoluted, as in complicated.
When updating the document written by Thomas Jefferson in June 1776, perhaps
it's best to summarize that first 71-word sentence, which begins "when in
the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve
the political bands which have connected them with another ..." Something
super short should work, such as, "When folks donÕt get along and they break
up, it's a good idea to explain why."
In fact, why not stick with this technique throughout? The document is just
over 1,200 words, not including signatures, so surely there's room to
condense, as in shorten. What more, really, in this day and age, is there to
know other than "all genders are created equal" and their rights are their
own, among them living free and going after happiness. And in the
conclusion, suffice to say, "We're going our own way." You get the gist. Who
can relate to George III's tyranny, as in control, these days anyway?
So, voila -- oh, sorry -- there you have it. Instead of using a dictionary and
thesaurus merely to understand, why not just change the words altogether?
Oh, I admit to being uncomfortable. I know, I know. I'm a traditionalist. I
think knowing words that mean the same thing, as in synonym, and using them
as such depending on tone and meaning is fun. Of course, I have a mother who
used to try to find a word whose definition her father didn't know. Greek
was one of his majors, so she didn't succeed. Yeah, totally nerdy, but she
passed her love of words on to me.
I realize not everyone is like this, which is copacetic, as in fine, with
me. And certainly students should be encouraged to learn a word, not just
pass it by.
But let's stick with how texts were first conceived, as in drafted. Or is it
created? Devised? Planned? Pick one. But don't replace the original.
Tresa McBee is a columnist at the Northwest Arkansas Times. She
can be reached at
tresam@nwarktimes.com.
